“I can see why he taps the bottleeeee/His girl is a bathroom modelllll”. Ahem, that was my singing voice. The ever evolving trend of girls taking pictures in their bathroom mirror, in front of their nasty ass toilets and showers is running rampant. To speak honestly, per usual, you could be the absolute baddest chick this side of the equator, but if I see your filthy, scum infested shower liner and never-been-scrubbed toilet – you, pretty lady, can kick rocks with no shoes on.

I know it’s a matter of availability, for which we appreciate the bathroom mirror – the place where we make ourselves presentable (some more than others), make sure we’re clean shaved, teeth glistening in the lights, but you needa move away from that toothpaste and other fluid stained pane of glass. In my time on Earth, I’ve come across hundreds and hundreds of pieces of evidence of Facebook photoshoot fuckery. I’m all for taking pictures of yourself where you’re REALLY feeling yourself and thinking that you look dope. By all means, flaunt it if you got it. I’ll never be mad at that. But why can’t you take a picture in a mirror else where? You probably have a mirror in your bedroom and, assuming it’s not a Hiroshima re-enactment inside there, use that mirror. Few things can make you go from a 10 to a 6 quicker than seeing the filth that you shower in…or if you’re wearing Uggs.

Don’t take this as me tryna ether you, ladies. I’m merely making some suggestions in an attempt to enrich your life. With that enrichment, I just ask that you pay royalty fees to me for the product that I had a hand in creating.

Oh, and before I forget – if you pay a dude to take pictures of you half-naked, you are NOT a model. You’re a chick paying for a dude to take pictures of you half-naked.