Why You Should Boycott Cuffing Season

Ladies and gentlemen (for some, I’ll use those terms loosely) – the temperature is dropping, it’s getting dark a little after lunch time, and the loneliness…oh the loneliness…is causing people to fall into Seasonal Affection Disorder, which I’ll call S.A.D. For those in the know, the next few months are within the realm of “cuffing season”.

The terminology for the status of relationships maintained November thru March is “cuffing season” A.K.A “winter wifing”. Folks don’t wanna be lonely throughout the coldest part of the year, so dudes turn the game up heavy in an attempt to bag something to cuddle with and pipe down when the thermometer is failing to get above freezing. A week or two before Thanksgiving starts, dudes will absolutely slither down various avenues in an attempt to gain some leverage and get themselves in shape when the season begins. The converse of this deplorable settle-down season is obviously “Single Summer”, in which all ties are cut from cuffing season, and when the partying begins, the promiscuity does as well.

Ladies, these are the signs that you’re being scouted for cuffing season:

  • Dudes you’ve never met are creeping thru the recesses of your page and liking pictures you posted months ago.
  • Your inbox is busting at the seams with messages that are showing levels of dehydration that are unseen throughout the course of the year.
  • If you’ve recently been in a relationship and broken up on Facebook, you’ve had an inordinate number of dudes ‘like’ your newly found freedom…which they’ll attempt to change.
  • You walk outta the house with no make-up, hair a mess, and in sweats…yet dudes are still breaking their necks to catch a glimpse of your potential…and ass.

Cuffing season is a demon. That’s all that can really be said about it. Generally one party will inevitably catch feelings and once the sun stays out a little longer, the breeze changes from cold to warm and refreshing – someone’s getting hurt. I’ve noticed a change in the dynamic of cuffing season, as females are starting to get schooled to the game and turning the tables on these dudes. In very rare occurrences, I’ve seen ladies play FRIENDS against each other during the four to five month season and it’s ending hilariously, albeit horribly. If you’ve never seen a chick flip the game over and play out two dudes WITHOUT looking like a smut, you needa start noticing the subtleties of how some women operate.

Final thoughts tho – cuffing season is a sham and anything that perpetuates thirst is against all things I stand for. Cope with loneliness, but don’t throw yourself headfirst into some bullshit faux-relationship without CLEARLY defining what it is for both parties involved. The seasonal shit ain’t for me. I’m cooler than a fan without cuffing up and throwing my winter away.

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