Everyone knows that one person that’s way over the top happy to be awake in the morning and wants to start a conversation as soon as they see your still half asleep ass walk thru the doors at work. It’s either a story or they wanna bust your balls, but the sentiment is the same – keep that shit to yourself until I sip my black coffee and perk up a little (pause). Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t mind shooting the shit with you, but if my body’s deprived of caffeine, what leads you to believe that I’m mentally prepared to do the back and forth thing with you?

If you’re really gonna sit there and expect me to be as witty, as personable and remotely as interested in this small talk, allow me to sit down, eat my bacon and eggs and drink my coffee in peace, lest you be relegated to my morning shitlist. Most folks know better – although I’m happy that I woke up that morning, you drowning me in dry humor and engulfing me in your air of desperation just really isn’t gonna be for me. And busting balls? Shit, you might wanna brace yourself for the response you elicit from piquing my irritability before the sun’s even really shining.

I don’t intend this shit to be ether, but damn – can I wipe the crust outta my eyes before you slink over to me and singe my moustache with what I can only assume is morning breath that snuck thru your Colgate? This is my only warning. Please, for your sake and mine, proceed with absolute caution.