I have this issue with ambition. Being so driven, so consistently driving myself to improve, anything short of success is something I’d consider a failure. As far as I’m concerned, I’m built to lose, but determined to exceed any of the expectations that people have for me. The pessimistic folks have a tendency to say “aim low and you’ll never be disappointed”. That’s proper procedure for people who really don’t have aspirations or goals that require any hard work. If that’s you – you and me? We are not the same.
Not to say that I’m not prone to failure. I really think that everyone in their life has experienced some type of setback, some type of project that they couldn’t get over the wall with. The true test of character is how you respond to that type of disappointment. Are you gonna bust your ass to try it again and succeed or are you gonna mope around feeling sorry for yourself and rely on pity and sorrow to get you thru it? If your choice was the latter, I can’t see myself fucking with you in any way, shape, or form.
Things have a way of breaking you down, which inevitably can leave you broken or build your strength and resolve back up. I don’t take losses well – I get pissed if I lose games like Words with Friends; I’m hyper-competitive in most things that I do, but I don’t think it’s actual anger that gets me – it’s the disappointment of falling short. Basketball games? Shit, forget it. We take an L, you better take a seat and be very cautious of how you approach me after. I don’t like to lose – I hate to lose.
There’s something beautiful in the pain of loss. It hardens you up, not allowing yourself to feel the disappointment of something gone awry. It makes you more aware, more precise, more sly and helps you to think outside the box in your attack. Loss, failure, rejection, and disappointment are all things that I despise, but love them for making me run thru fucking walls to get where I wanna be. Where I’m inevitably headed. Where I see myself in a week, a month, a year, and a decade from now. You build your own future. The obstacles you face can consume you or you can turn them to dust and let the warm breeze come thru and dissipate the shards of broken dreams and turn your vision into something tangible.
What you do with it, well, that’s entirely on you…