Dudes + Emoticons = ???

There useta be a period in time (years ago), when I could carry on an entire BBM conversation using only the palette of emoticons that were readily available at my fingertips. Shit, I wore out the BBM Devil/horny one within two weeks, but lemme hip you to the game at this exact moment. Emoticons are lightly (sometimes) veiled ways of flirting than transcend the built-in shit on BBM or iPhone/Droids. But when it gets REAL…oh, it gets real.

Ladies, I assume, as most do, that if I see a ;), you’re not being sarcastic. You’re absolutely, undoubtedly tryna say “I want in!” non-verbally. Of course, I think the worst of things sometimes, then again – I think of the best shit too. These —> 🙂 / 😀 are just fun ways to be cute or happy or whatever they may be. That’s all well and good, but when dudes do it? Nah, that’s kinda over the top sweet. And I don’t mean the “aww, romantic” sweet either. I’m talking about the “you might wear a thong under your jeans” sweet, fellas.

Under no circumstances should a dude EVER post a wink, a smiley, say ‘LOL’ or ‘LMFAO’ anywhere in or around Facebook, Twitter, etc. There’s something dripping with estrogen whenever I see such fuckery. Dudes are out there emasculating themselves via keystrokes. It’s the quickest way to have me re-categorize you from a nice dude to a lonesome, “Marvin’s Room” on repeat listening scoundrel.

That being said, I’ve seen some of you ladies out there absolutely annihilating the wink to the point you look like you either have a tic or are having a seizure. Anything in moderation is good (for the most part), so reserve those winks for the deserving ones. Don’t go out there spreading your winks around like they’re worth nothing. (Extra points to the ladies who also realized the wink is a euphemism for something else.)

I dunno, maybe I’m just built different, or maybe I just let small things get me off my point and onto a tangent. I’ll leave you with this – ‘haha’ is fine, ‘LOL/LMFAO/ROFL’ isn’t. Oh, and don’t ever look at my page if your profile picture is of you sans shirt. That’s never in my wheelhouse. Til later…keep warm.

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