When we were kids, damn near each and every one of us, in our drooling baby states, had our binkies. Along with these pacifiers, which aided in fighting off monsters, curing our incessant crying bouts, making any fear in the world seemingly disappear. With that, we had our little blanket or stuffed animal that just added to the security that we felt. The very walls of being safe and sound were raised around us – there was total trust, total innocence, we reached that level of comfortability that was the apex of security and unfaltering faith.

Ok, ok – here’s where I tend to lose folks, so keep it locked in here. You ever been out somewhere and saw the odd couple? You know, the two people in the world that, at first (sometimes second or third) glance just don’t look like they fit together? It could be any combination of things – heavyset/skinny, old/young, cute/ugly, model/troll, etc. Sometimes it’s a love thing. There are mutual passions, goals, ambitions, great personalities and an overwhelming connection. Other times, it’s a security thing. Seriously.

**Disclaimer: At this point I use feminine objective pronoun as an example, although it’s an absolutely mutual idea. So umm…**

Well, I’ve long held the theory that some of us males and females out there never entirely grew outta our necessity for comfort, trust, and faith. That’s right – some of us (more specifically, some of YOU), although you’d never admit it, have carried their need for a sense of unwavering, steadfast loyalty into their relationships. I believe in the fact that sometimes opposites attract and inevitably end up together because one partner (example – attractive female) in the relationship unquestionably knows that the partner (example – unattractive male) “overachieved” in attaining her, therefore creating and pacifying the need for security and peace of mind that the now-role defined  male partner would never cheat, lie, mistrust, or hurt her, for fear of losing his white whale, so to speak.

This whole concept is a complete mindfuck, but think about this shit – Anna Nicole Smith (God rest her soul) or any high-profile gold digger, for that matter. My theory has a ton of similarities and it’s just a branch off from sugar daddy/sugar mama. Now, whether it’s the monetary satisfaction for the gold digger or the plainly laid out, agreeable arrangement of those with a sweet tooth for cash, there’s some conditional exchange going on. Those with money, willing to spend it for emotional security and a perception of real interest in them with only real interest on the paper.

Money for service – [old man (No need for money, plus lust and loneliness with :02 on the shot clock) + model (life-sized Barbie doll with love for $$$), both sides are satisfied.]

Now, the binky theory as it plays out in my eyes:

As much as we say we aren’t a superficial group of people, we really are. We love our appearance and the way people see us. Although, most of us try not to, some things just don’t fit. Ever wonder why the jawdropper is walking around arm-in-arm with the dude who looks like he deep fried his face? It could be because they have that type of star-aligning, written in the sand, fantasy connection that supersedes the physical. Could be that. Or…

It could be Miss Wow has her insecurities, she’s been hurt in the past, and she needed that emotional sustenance and security that she could be with someone who would be her submissive, oh so grateful, at beck and call slave because it soothes the pains of past partners mistreating her to the point that she becomes domineering. Her emotional security cures her internal crying and pain, keeps the ghosts of the past from haunting her, and keeps her sleeping like a baby. And the warm body next to her? There’s the teddy bear…

Then again, look at Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife and her new 20-something year old California play thing. She says it’s love, he echoes that…but who’s to say? Some people grow outta the games and have healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. Others can’t drop the past and become emotionally dependent and needy for any number of reasons. No, it’s not pseudo-psychology…it’s sociology and experience.