Quit Showing Your Ass

Look, I get it – everyone’s a fucking fashion genius nowadays, right? I wonder if people (including these hypebeast types) understand and notice how ridiculous this shit looks.

When I was a younger dude, everyone was wearing their jeans bigger. I don’t mean 3 or 4 sizes too big, but I don’t forget that some of you were rocking denim tents at that point. Longer legs, belted up, waist down around the ass. It wasn’t completely uncommon to see a grimy pair of boxers hanging outta someone’s jeans in say…96 – 2001 or so.

With time, fashion trends and fad are subject to change and designs got bolder, jeans got slimmer, people dressed better. But the whole skinny jean/no dick room (pause), gotta put margarine on to slip into em? Nah, fuckouttahere. My jeans are fitted, slim leg, and they’re remarkable. Dudes are out here in JEAN LEGGINGS not giving a decimal point of a fuck about how they look. Someone tell me why dudes are buying jeggings with a 32 waist, 16 leg? There’s a foot of denim expected to cover 3 feet worth of legs…so let’s just show our asses again, right? NO. STOP IT.

Now, I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating – dudes in jail who were looking to take pipe sagged their jeans to let other inmates know they’re available. Oh, you didn’t know that? Like Big said, “If you don’t know, now you know…”

Fashion is one of those things in the world that isn’t static – it’s completely dynamic, changing cultural perspectives along the way. Kwame wore polka dots in the 90s. I wore Karl Kani and just a little bit of Cross Colours and Boss. Then Cam started wearing pink in the early 2000s, remember? Now everyone’s tryna be high fashion, but they aren’t wearing the shit right. Skinny jeans were made to fit the right way. Muhfuckas are doing it completely, completely wrong. I dunno if they’re just kinda short, so wearing doll-sized jeans might make em look taller? I really dunno. All I know is, if I gotta hold my breath to squeeze into some jeans that still show my ass, there’s a bridge close enough to my house that I can skydive off, no parachute.

 

 

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