Aging Quick

They say “time heals all wounds” and “women age like fine wine”. These ladies tho? Shit, if nothing else, time has caused irreparable damage and they’ve aged like Four Lokos sitting in the sun for a week. Please, please do something about this – even if it means dropping outta the public spotlight forever.


Pam Anderson: Known for Baywatch, Barb Wire, giant rock-like fake tits, raw pipe film with then-husband/rocker/Hepatitis-monger, Tommy Lee.

Jesus, I guess we can all see what a combination of drugs, liquor, Tommy’s pipeline (pause) has done over the years. Actually, Hepatitis has that effect, too. Oh, yeah…


Melanie Griffith: Best known for, umm…I guess Milk Money, Mulholland Falls, Bonfire of the Vanities, marrying Antonio Banderas, and problems with booze, coke, and pain killers.

Apparently a purveyor of awful plastic surgery as well. An 80’s sexpot, apparently addiction has severely aged her to the point it’s painful to look at any picture of her from the past 5 years.

Demi Moore: Best known for Striptease, GI Jane, being the wife/senior citizen sex toy of Ashton Kutcher’s talentless, 16 minute of fame having ass.

Tryna stay young, Demi? Fucking eat something. You have the shape of a life-sized dildo now; fuck is wrong with you?


Madonna: Best known for not being a virgin; talking/singing about being a virgin, while being deflowered prior to that song coming out (Like a Virgin, Papa Don’t Preach); being Dennis Rodman’s scary ass sex toy; Kabballah, weirdness, Super Bowl halftime; walking punchline.

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