Just…Shut Up

Alright, you obnoxious, self-obsessive, drama-dripping, lonely, can’t-fathom-happiness-because-you’re-a-miserable slob, type people – lemme ask you some questions:

At what point in time, during your 20s, 30s, or even 40s, will you realize that the hundreds and hundreds of miscellaneous Facebook friends, Twitter followers, real life acquaintances couldn’t give a fraction of a fuck about your miserable relationship? And if you’re habitually single, constantly stating that “all men are dogs/pigs/shit”, you really fucking wondering why no one of the opposite sex is willing to lock down your whining, hateful, dumb ass?

Follow-up question: When is it gonna be painfully apparent to you that your miserable job, shitty boss, long commute to and fro is of no consequence to anyone that watches you type verbal spray diarrhea all over your newsfeed? Ever heard the saying, “If you can’t take a joke, don’t be a punchline”? Yeah, just know that some of those anonymous friends don’t take notice, but me? Shit, I’m too detail-oriented to allow some of you to slide. Furthermore, I’m in the mood to call some folks out for certain shit lately.

I’m sure it feels amazing to release all that frustration, stress, and disappointment onto the interwebs, but just be well aware that you’re providing entertainment and a crude self-portrait for mental instability, solitude, and sadness. I’m over telling people that they needa keep their relationship shit to themselves because it’s painfully evident that some of you do the shit for the attention of it. Oh, and if you’re one of those awful people that is consistently compelled to put up the vaguest of negative statuses in hopes that multiple people will comment with well wishes or concerns, but you NEVER answer – you’re the worst, thirstiest attention whore imaginable. Clean it up, smut.

Lemme wrap this up with a series of hashtags that describe the bullshit that you spew all over the place and let’s see which will wake you up:

#lonely / #sad / #bipolar / #unstable / #SHUTTHEFUCKUPPPP / #Undateable / #IncomprehensiblyFucked / #LameBroad / #DuckSauce / #BirdBrain / #GargleAndSwallow / #RinseWell / #MentalHealth / #SickBrain / #HoStatus /#Dramatic / #RelationshipSabotage / #YouCan’tPossiblyBeSeriousWithThisShit

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