Locker Room Etiquette

Alright, I swore I was gonna let this go weeks ago, but it’s a damn shame when I finally came to grips with shit…then have it come to the forefront again and piss me off on another way.

Fellas, I get it – after a workout, you gotta shower so you don’t smell like the Geico cavemen look. I get it, I shower, I dry off, I keep it moving. Stop leaving your shitty drawers on the floor, next to your funky fucking sneakers, and upon leaving the aforementioned shower, PUT A TOWEL ON. There’s zero fucking reason that you weirdos wanna try to chop it up and have a conversation when you’re letting your joint hang in the breeze.

This shit is pure, unadulterated, 100% pure fuckery. What grown man is gonna sit there, balls out, and try to ask you what you did over the weekend? Fuckouttahere with that weird shit. You wanna bullshit? Wrap a towel first. Better yet, bring your skidmarked, 1994 Hanes in the shower stall with you, towel off, and hop back into your filth before you even mutter a word towards me. I tried to play nice before, but this shit’s outta hand. Dudes out here are getting real comfortable, in turn making me increasingly uncomfortable. Oh, and don’t ever in your life smile at me. That’s off limits. If you’re gonna walk around in the buff, do the Planet Fitness route. There’s no judgment there. Where I’m at, you’re subject to slander, harsh words, disgusted looks, and this particular rant.

Clean it up. Towel off, get dressed, then maybe we can chat. If you don’t wanna play by those rules, I’m out. You weirdo types can kick rocks, preferably in your shower sandals.

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