When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong [Work Edition]

I’ll be the first to admit that my filter is either clogged or non-existent in most situations. Generally, I’m pretty good at biting my tongue while consumed in work-related shit between 9-5, however, there are always exceptions to that rule and/or common and unfortunate fuckups. Today…oh, that mighta qualified for the latter.

Allow me to preface this with a thought – I really dislike – ok, fucking HATE – cliches. Although most of them are 100% true, I neglect them like the needy ex who just feels compelled to search for you months or years after a breakup. My digressions are only serving to complicate shit, but whatever. Lemme lay out what happened today: I’m a bit of a wise-ass, but I temper it all with a smile, disallowing co-workers to figure out whether I’m being a snarky, pretentious dickhead OR if I’m just making a little fun in the confines of the office.

A higher up came by this morning, while I was prepping for the day and states, “Hate to bother you, but I have a stupid question for you”, to which I quipped, “Never a stupid question, just questions asked by stupid people.” Probably woulda helped had I taken, oh, a split second to spin around and see the manager hovering above with a non-plussed look on his mug.

In a quick attempt to pull my ass right outta the fire, I say, “…or the stupid kid who doesn’t realize how to answer a question without making a joke that falls flat on his face inches from a pink slip, heh”. He was slightly more pleased with the cover-up, as opposed to the vapid ether I attempted to use as humor so, so early this morning. Never claimed to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I’ll be damned if my words don’t at least irritate you, like the dull butter knife I imagine myself being. There’s a lesson to be learned in all this: until you’ve had a full cup of coffee in the morning, be aware and alert enough to focus your jokes, lest they hit the wrong target. Also, look at who you’re speaking to.

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