Weed Dreams and Beer Nightmares

When the stars align just right, when the liquor’s in your system and you add good smoke to the equation, shit’s like walking on a cloud. But every so often, I have really bizarre, forward-thinking dreams. As a disclaimer, if any being or corporation comes out with these ideas, I’m suing off the rip. Only because I’m too lazy and not exactly artistically savvy.

Case in point, I went out last night for drinks with co-workers and came home to some potent, stanking ass bud. The dream that ensued after that was dope, but the ideas would cost Apple millions of dollar. The idea? Regenerative glass OR crack-proof glass. How many folks go out and do dumb shit, like drop their phone at the most inopportune times, or meatheads that insist on scrapping after the club with a phone in their pocket? If you have any reasonable smartphone, you know gottdamn well that the screens are as frail as any dude that’s ever left a crying voicemail on an ex’s phone. When that $400 texting/Facebooking machine falls towards the floor, life slows down. Before your eyes are broken dreams, skewed morality, broken screens, realizing mortality. On top of that, it’s basically fucking useless after that point. Can’t read texts, stalk and creep on Facebook/Twitter, can’t upload to Instagram. You’re basically devoid of any real communication for purpose. Sucks.

Now, realistically, if for an extra $150, would you pay to buy a phone that was essentially unbreakable? I’m talking the type of phone you could launch off a wall, only to retrieve it in pristine condition. Fucking right you would, sucker. I have implausibly good luck with phones – never lost one, never broke one, never Drew Brees’ed one downfield 60 yards, nothing. More than that, I like my phones like Ienjoy my ladyfolk – bare, shining, and reactive to my touch within a second. I don’t need a case. For what? So I can treat it like Nextels from 2002 and punt it, fall on it, lose it anywhere? Fuckouttahere with that. iPhones are far sexier in its natural state – fully undressed.

With that said, Apple must make a fucking killing off sloppy, clumsy owners. Cracked screens, worn down Home buttons, sensors that refuse to recognize your filthy fingers tryna open apps – all of which needa be sent back for refurbing at your cost. I’m not tryna pay $200 to get a refurbed phone back, b. Might as well just buy the shit brand new again. Apple’s eating off those that have no real business having nice things. But if there was ever a way for them to implant a screen that could crack…and reseal itself? Game. Over. Now. Shit would be a huge loss initially for them in terms of restorations, but everyone and their mother would have one, thus increasing sales revenue from Day One. Like I said tho, this idea was brought to you by Bud and…bud. I don’t advocate the combination, but I don’t advise against it either. See what you come up with overnight and you’re welcome in advance.

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