Flash Flood


See this shit here? I’m curious, ladies – why, pray tell, must you flood my feeds with this shit?

Is it a phenomenon that women have a tendency to take pictures that obscure their face, introduce us to a flash that’s much brighter than the phone’s owner, and share away on Instagram and Facebook? Oh, and Tumblr, and Blogger, and all the other social networks that don’t give a slanted sliver of a fuck about your shiny faux-face.

There’s another type of picture that perplexes my simplistic ass to no end: the fancy “blur-everything-but-my-eyes” shot.


If we lived in a world that didn’t allow us to have lips, mouths, or even noses, we’d obviously be non-existent, yes? No breathing, no eating would be an immediate end to life. So ladies, are you tryna see what shit would be like without those prominent and very necessary features? This shot is clearly a combination of flash, caked-on makeup and/or oily skin (“I’m shining tho” – hoes) and being wayyy too close to your face. Step back and chill.

Maybe it’s me, but I enjoy the visual aspect of things. Pretty pictures, attractive and unattractive people alike, and people who act like they’ve been there before are some things that just happen to be aesthetically pleasing to a dude like me. Fuck it. But I’m not standing for this flash fuckery any longer. And painted on eyebrows. Those can get all the way outta here. If a picture has a serious flash AND ONLY EAST LA BROWS? I’m fucking out.

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