Bad Bitches Are the Worst

“I LOVE BAD BITCHES THAT’S MY FUCKIN PROBLEM!!!” – A$AP Rocky

Thanks for that, Rocky. Now that that’s been cleared up, allow me to speak on the droves of misguided females out there that are self-proclaimed “bad bitches” – who, pray tell, bestowed that title upon you, old cakeface, weird body?

As a huge proponent of self-esteem and feeling yourself, I allow you to do so. With restrictions. Really. Personally, I don’t care for the idea of bad bitches. I get it – pretty as fuck, dope body, dresses nice, has an aura about her. I appreciate that. BUT if one dude gassed you strictly with the goal of bedding you and you fell for it, please realize that the title was temporary and has since expired. You as a bad bitch is spoiled milk.

Now, don’t take this as ether. It’s very much just a reality check; an attempt to help you before one of those chicks you THINK you are walks by you and shames your entire existence.

Sitting on your bathroom sink so your ass pokes out justttt right while you snap picture after picture in your toothpaste-spittle covered mirror does NOT qualify as bad bitch status. True story.

Bad bitches can be versed in subtlety, humility, and some sort of affability (means approachable and pleasant). The worst thing about a beautiful person is that brash, impersonal, “no time for shit” type of attitude. That attitude doesn’t make you a bad bitch at all, ladies. Simply makes you a bitch.

Attractive is one thing. There’s varying levels of being attractive, right? Well, how you carry yourself is a huge component of being one of the females that dudes wanna get to know, wanna get close to, wanna kick it with.

Whether or not you’re out there tryna meet people is entirely up to you, but regardless, walking around like you shit diamonds isn’t exactly a quality use of your God-given…umm, blessings.

For the girls that smut it up and claim this title, I have only a few words for you – the fuck are you doing with your life? If your body count exceeds that of your male counterparts, you might think you’re desirable. Let’s be serious for a minute – word of smut fuckery spreads quicker than their legs. Before you even know that you’re a ho, everyone’s known for weeks, months, years. Being labeled a slopbucket by your mid-20s is a fate that only causes people to shy away from you, not embrace.

Every girl deserves a couple one offs in their lifetimes. Some no strings attached, physical release. If you’re entire sexual history is comprised of meaningless one nighters, drunken mistakes, or bender-induced multiples, then I seriously suggest that you tighten up (literally tho), figure out that labeling yourself a bad bitch comes at a cost, and that your entire situation needs to be re-evaluated immediately, lest you find yourself shunned from your usual crew of hooligans and hookers.

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