Please Explain

For the interest of the well-being of both sexes, I have some questions that I need answers to. Here’s the game: I’ll throw out some ridiculous, feminist, manhater type phrases all-too-commonly used in regards to males/failed relationships:

  • All men aren’t shit” / “All men are the same”. – Ladies, there are (by all accounts) 3 billion or so males on this planet, so WHO told you to sample each and every dick like handouts at the grocery store?
  • “Men are so fucking complicated. UGHHHH!” – Pot, meet kettle. Dudes may not be the most logical species, however, we survive off instinct. Generally our attitudes and moods don’t shift all too quickly, but it seems like ladies just wanna say we’re the complex sex, while mentally melting down themselves.
  • “So tired of men. I’m going lesbian!” – Don’t talk about it – be about it. Something tells me you aren’t about that life. Idle threats.
  • “All I need in my life are my girls!!!1! <3” – You need your girls to go out, party, drink, vent, shop, chill with, etc. I know, without question, there are certain ladies out there that desperately wanna jump their bestie’s boyfriend joint with the quickness. Some of you aren’t that slick.
  • “Anthony, you’re an asshole!” – No debating that.
  • “He thinks he’s a player? Well, I’m the coach!” – That might very well be the case, miss, however your squad is a gang of bums. Think of your sex/relationship life as the Charlotte Bobcats. Don’t get the reference? Google it.
  • “I ❤ bad boys!” – Yes, you do. You also heart dudes that recklessly pipe your friends…and enemies. Fellas can have that bad boy edge to them without being a complete dickhead. Possibly. Some of us.
  • “Guys with swag >>>” – Ladies, those are boys tho. Grown men err on the side of fashion and style as opposed to whatever-the-fuck they consider “swag”. You know what “Swag” meant before it was being used by everyone and their mother? Swag meant “shit we all get”. Dressing well won’t ever be outta style. But POW chains, snapbacks, skinnies, and smedium shirts are on the way back out. Really.

And now for the shit dudes say about chicks:

  • “Bitches ain’t shit” – Actually, this is pretty true. Bitches ain’t shit. Women are incredible. See also “hoes ain’t shit”.
  • “I can pull any chick I want” – Generally false. Don’t talk it, be about it.
  • “I need my cake and eat it too” – That’s why you’re a single, fat muhfucka.
  • “I wonder if she has a sister/friend/cousin” – Yup, she does. Guess what? She already slandered you to each and every one of them, making you essentially non-existent at this point.

Take these words home and think em thru. Never too late to change up your position and make yourself just a sliver better than you were before. Oh, and the open-faced slander session is childish. You got an issue with a partner/ex – do that shit in private. Unless I’m there. Then I can kick back with my popcorn and watch the fuckery unfold.

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