“Once a player, always a player.” – Anonymous

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when someone refers to another as a “player”? Smooth, attractive, heartless, juggles girls and usually leaves them heartbroken and vengeful; someone whose purpose is only to serve as a prevalent reminder that guards should stay up, right?

The ideology of a “player” is a touchy subject, mostly examined thru a biased lens, as the people who typically speak on it have been wronged in the past by someone that came almost as “fake” or just in the arrangement for their own pleasure, coupled with other side pieces, other interests, other agendas. That’s not always the case. In some cases, those that have, occasionally, been mislabeled with the male equivalent of the Scarlet Letter, aren’t heartless, predatory, or even promiscuous. Sometimes, they’re just looking for a better option.

Everywhere in the world, there’s a man who has a beautiful girl hooked on his every move, sitting on the edge of her seat, awed and amazed by a man (and the opposite holds true). Out of seemingly nowhere, interest is no longer kept, departure is made, and that beautiful girl has her feelings cast aside, her pride wounded, her eyes filled with tears. Was it something she did or was it that the coldblooded, stupid prick just had enough? It’s possible, but maybe – just maybe – it wasn’t the time, nor the situation, that could make this player, this scourge of a man commit. Moving on.

When people hear the term, they automatically gravitate towards relegated the labeled to the “do not touch” category. To insist that someone is incapable of achieving something due to what their past consisted of is a slight to the potential of a person. Not every “player” is doomed to eternally leave a trail of flings strewn about in his wake – it just takes the right woman and a desire to settle down and live in the moment of enjoying someone else’s company and attention without lusting and striving to have it from everyone.

Saying that you can understand the mind of someone without really ever hearing their thoughts and feelings, their motives and reasoning, is bullshit. To say, “Well (s)he reminds of me of [insert past hookup] and I know how it’s gonna be” with someone you haven’t taken the time to know leads only to missed opportunity, albeit a potential disaster. Everyone in life has a match, somewhere, that can bring an abrupt halt to the games, the cheating, the inattentiveness that dooms relationships.

What really changes a person’s perspective is reflection on lessons learned from what’s happened in the past, right? Sure, being an attractive, successful, passionate person is what most aspire to be. But to be desired can prove overwhelming for those that aren’t ready to settle into focused attention and emotion from one person. People can’t change each other, no matter how hard they try. The people that change do it by themselves, with the end goal being a more stable and healthy person, emotionally and mentally. You can try to change a dog into a pigeon, but you know damn well that shit isn’t gonna happen. Personal growth and reason trump wishing and hoping, but you can’t force it on anyone.

You can’t save a ho, especially when she’s not ready to stop the hopping she’s doing. You can’t change a dude who doesn’t wanna stop what he’s doing either. It’s not an overnight process, but if you decide to take on the risk, knowing the potential for failure, make sure you know what you’re getting into. If you can change someone’s perspective and give them what they need and more, inevitably you could win them over. Some, however, are lost causes.

Why do some dudes have to do what they do? Any number of reasons: insecurity, necessity for attention, big egos, money, narcissism, fear of commitment. But the psychological aspects of it are way too much to look into without us sitting down and sharing a drink or smoke, and it’s too in depth to be put into words when your attention span is as short as dude on Game of Thrones.

Some things in life are so desirable that it’s worth taking the risk of putting yourself out there, not knowing what the possibilities are. But that dude that everyone considers undateable, untameable, unable to be with one person, could just be waiting for the one that he wants to be attentive to, to laugh with, to bond with on a different level. Not all players are cold, unavailable, or distant. They’re closer than you think, just looking for the right person to help put their jersey in the rafters and chill.