I know, I know, I know – you ladies love your UGGs. I’m not particularly interested in your reasons: “They’re SO comfortable!”, “They’re wicked cute!”, “They’re amazing!”. Well, I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and I’m not holding anything but disgust as far as these things go. I dunno what’s worse – the look of them, the inevitable funkiness that comes wafting outta them after prolonged wear with no semblance of a sock on your foot, or the price tag for such an aesthetically challenged product.

Now, I know that the majority of chicks today have a huge affinity for wearing these things with absolutely anything – jeans, leggings, jeggings, sweats, but I’ve even seen girls walking around in the heat of summer, sweating out the faux fur lining, while wearing shorts. The blankest of blank stares immediately crept over my face and all my thoughts jumped right off the cliff of confusion. There’s something ridiculously unattractive about walking around, looking like you kicked a puppy in the ass…and it got stuck on your foot.

I know there’s a huge, huge cross section of men that share my irrational, yet justified hatred of Uggs. I don’t even call them Uggs, I call them “Ughhhs”, because the disgust seems to just flow endlessly from me whenever I see an attractive female ruin whatever look she has going on with such fuckery. As my man so eloquently pointed out yesterday, normally Ughhhs are accessorized with those obnoxious bubble eye glasses, uselessly oversized bags, and a certain sense of superiority. Oh, and if you pair them with a sweatsuit – stop the bullshit, ladies. We see you. Everyday. We know you’re probably comfortable and that’s all well and good…but leave the Ughhhs alone. There’s gotta be a much cuter way to walk around, without dropping hundreds of dollars on…those.

Fellas – we all know that just because Tom Brady wears them, that’s still not even remotely good enough of a reason to consider slipping any of our ten toes inside an Ugg boot. That’s an absolute sin, punishable by stares and snickers. Really tho.