Ladies, fellas – is this you? I don’t mean that actual kid looking beyond angry, confused, cranky and all that. But do YOU carry those traits?

I never understood how people can be so completely fucking miserable from the very second their eyes open in the morning. Why exactly are you absolutely pissed at the world before you even have a chance to wipe the shit outta your eyes, cure your horrific breath, and sip some Folgers like the rest of us? Waking up in the morning should be a fucking blessing, not the beginning to 24 hours of pure struggle.

Remember when people would say, “Today’s a gift, that’s why it’s called the ‘present'”? I hate that saying. So cliche, so overdone, so…true. People that wake up fucked up and ready to rash on the whole world are those SAME kids that got socks for Christmas and rifled that entire package across the room, in front of horrified parents and snickering siblings. Those kids eventually grew up to be the angry, maladjusted, miserable folks that spread their irritation with the world to everyone they come across during their work day. Or just out on the street.

What would I look like if I started each morning ethering every single cheery person that I came across? Probably a monster, probably a dickhead, probably soon-to-be unemployed. But no, I spread my seemingly infectious joy and smile (said with only the slightest sarcasm) to all that I come across. Anthony fucking Sunshine – that’s me. I’m just a ray of light in the otherwise dark and dreary masses of non-morning people. Fuck the wrong side of the bed, some of these people are acting like they’re waking up on the side of the road. There’s no way waking up miserable and falling back asleep 15 hours later in the same mindset is good for your heart, your mind, your soul (if present), or your relationships. No one wants to surround themselves with negativity on a constant. Everyone’s entitled to be pissed off or ornery every once in a while. I get that, I respect that, I’m the same way. But if I hafta constantly avert my eyes to avoid making contact with Mr. I’mAConstantFuckingDownerAndSinceI’mMiserable, YouShouldBeToo (origin of descent, nonwithstanding), then nah, we can’t be friendly.

I’m not saying be as upbeat as possible at all times, sweet enough to give folks diabetes – all I’m saying is life is TOO short to be continuously miserable or to get close to these beacons of negativity. If you’re one of those types, kindly kick rocks. I’m too busy living right now.